I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
