my mouth tastes like poor choices
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How does one acquire holy water?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
