so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
