You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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