Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
