either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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