loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
