I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
