Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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