Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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