I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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