i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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