I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
