last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
