i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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