Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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