i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
