I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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