ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
