my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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