moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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