he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
