Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
