You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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