Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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