i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
