im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
