Your dad touched me again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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