Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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