I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
