Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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