I could have mohawked her pubes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
