i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
worst night to have a conscience
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
