i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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