Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
