mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
