3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
