My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
