All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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