if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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