my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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