my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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