i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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