So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
