we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
