It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
