i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
