you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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