Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
