i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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