Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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