i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
