somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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