He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am one with the molecules
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
