I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
