Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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