I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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