I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Text me some of your sweat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
