i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
be right there i have to get my cape
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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