im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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