theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
