well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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