i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
