So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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