Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
