The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
