jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
