How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
