My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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