so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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