so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
